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Sunday, July 18, 2010- I told myself that this year will be totally different chapter of my life. The chapter will be titled as "The year of my life's war". I was right. But I wasn't right because I have no choice but to. It is my decision to make this year that way.
Where can I go if I have not decided to do so?
Will I be able to face my problems right in the eye?
Will I be able to change my life for the better? Will I be able to bring the best out of myself? And will I be able to finally be at my best again?
I'll answer "No" to all the questions without fail if I did not decide to finally have all my problems solved, and to decide not to "declare war" to all the problems that I have right now.
Currently, I might not be at the best of health. I do not have the time to even watch the television. But what I can tell is that at least I am out of my comfort zone, trying to make a change in my life. Hell yeah baby, at least I took my first step forward to get this over with.
But yeah, if you're close to me, you would have realised that a lot in my life has fallen apart, but slowly, something better is building up. I just wish for the best to happen. I have done, and I am doing my best. All I have to do now is pray hard, and wait for the best outcome to happen.
`updated on- 10:35 PM
Sunday, July 4, 2010- I've hurt my backbone. And whenever I trip on things, it will hurt like mad.
And yes, this started to happen since NAPFA test.
For more than one month, I've hurt my back. My family members thought that it was just nothing, just plain muscleaches.. But yeah, after one month of enduring the pain, I'm seeking treatment.
I've seen myself really sacrificing a lot for this dream that I want to achieve. Hell yeah. I'm not going to give up. Never am I gonna do that. I'm going all out, even if it takes my life (Hopefully it does not have to take my life though...).
Well, looking at myself, I'm the kind of person who has been an advisor, supporter, motivator and a friend to many. I've been the kind of person "who will always be there". But when I look around myself, and I can only see some people looking up to me, but there was noone to sit down with me, and truly listen about my life. Well, I've never had one, a person who can actually sit down with me, and hey, just give me a heart-to-heart talk.
And yeah.. Its so normal to me that I will not feel comfortable if someone is to do so with me although I know that I might need one.
But still, its okay. All I need to feel now is love. Love from my parents. Love from my friends. Basically, just..Love. That will be a great feeling to have right now.
I'm still moving forward even without these. I know that I'm still on a pursuit for happiness. One that will not only give happiness to me, but also my parents. One that will also bring joy to others. And I'll continue fighting even if takes everything out of me, because I know that it will be worth it.
`updated on- 12:32 AM
