entries
Sunday, September 30, 2007- still confused. what should i do? i have now came to a road which shows two paths. 2 paths which decides my future. im just afraid of seeing ppl hurt again. either way, i will see that happening.
will there be another path? can it end up with everyone being happy? i dont want it to end up like this. why must i be the one hurting others? i dont want to! cant i make everyone feel better? is it fate that i am going to hurt others?
*wow. and guess what? i miss those moments too.*
`updated on- 8:45 PM
Saturday, September 29, 2007- hmm. im a sleepy dude. woke up at 12.30 today. cool huh?
wahaha! tired wad.. of course la.
noe wad? i just remembered. i wanted to post abt how weird my classmates and frens are.
lets start with JIN RONG
u noe wad? he sang one of the lines frm "sexy back" by justin timberlake.
he go trying to rub my shoulder and TRIED to touch my chest. then sing, "i'll let u whip me if i misbehave.."
then, giv me the horny kind of look. LOL. big weirdo! do u noe that he's called snakeman now? he skin is like peeling off frm him. 4e3 students will noe wad i mean.
next is RAGURAM!
this guy is cool. he and jin rong will gay with each other sometimes. jin rong will usually sit on him and he'll just make jin rong bounce on him. thats like oh so disgusting and weird. guess wad? last time, got ppl took video of them doing that. amazing idiot lol.
hah. actually dont wana post up all of the weirdos up. but yea, theyre cool people though. and theyre frm my dear class 4e3, which i will be apart frm a few days frm now.. GRADUATION DAY.
*good bye, to my dearest secondary school class*
`updated on- 9:18 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007- ah!! i kena power migrane again! soo happy. happened after school la. thought normal headache onli la. so, wash face like hell la. but it dint work. lol. tried bathing in school afterwards. and when studying during night study, i kena power migrane! wOOt! that i soo dang happy. when i happy, i was soooooooooooo (thats long) touched when i received comments on friendster! lol. and guess who they are..? find out. later.
haha, and b4 friday prayers, got DnT break. walk walk for a while at level corridor la.
then, saw some ppl by the window doing exam. lol. the first person i see that i can disturb is none other than..
SHAFIQAH!!
oh hell yea it was fun waving at shafiqah, aisah and solehah. aiyo. i need a break u noe. of course la play play abit oni. haha. but the good thing is they at least smile back. can see that although they are like 30m away frm me. nice people there.
oh cool shit too! recess time was stupid! got fight going on at the sec 2 level.
U GOTTO READ THIS!
started out with an immature misunderstanding. " u take my wallet!! boohoo! im gonna kick ur ass" kinda thing. lol. im soo good at contradicting things. wah, summore, both sec 2 boys fighting are like
2 times my size!
haha. soo cool. guess how i stopped them? i went centre and threaten them. lol. with only 6 words. "Both of you better back off". simple words huh? LOL. and both of them like, really backed off and kept a distance frm each other. HOW DID I DO THAT??!! i have no idea. serious. the ironic part is, they dont defy wad i say. they dint come to attk me at all. no idea y. maybe i look soo innocent, they listen? am i fierce? or are they scared of me(cool)? lol i have no idea. first thing, both of them are twice my size, they can just carry on with me in the middle. I wanted that to happen!! i wana kick ass!! grr! long time dint fight =X. i could have made a movie that can beat jackie chan!(as if) lol. haha, told raguram, my monitor and he was laughing his ass off when i told him that both of the kids actually backed off.
maybe they are scared that im too hot for them! lol. hah. and now, headache strikes me like hell.
Guess wad i ate when i break fast? briyani!! with meat and chicken. the moment time to break fast, i gulped on my 1 litre soy bean bottle. drank like 600- 800 ml of it. thats weird. and i feel so bloated la. but the fun part came after that. malay teachers bought canadian pizza!! haha. and they offered us. rest for 5-10 min, and eat again! lol. had around 100g of protein today!! omg thats soo much. had to exercise later, despite migrane so that the protein wont turn into
SHIT!
lol. orite then thats all.
*to the sec 2 kid hu tried to shiok sendiri at me. stop acting cute. get a life. and theres more better men than me. go ahead. u noe wad to do.*
`updated on- 10:21 PM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007- SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!! DAMMITT!!
`updated on- 8:49 PM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007- haiya. soli for last post. rahimi was too confused. lol.
hmm, today ah. i very lazy. dont want go for night study. study?! for what study?! life is temporary only u noe! for wad study?! enjoy la! lol. dont listen to that.
this so rox. appreciate this time. can finally exercise again. keep fit, keep fit! O levels, doesnt mean, can dont exercise. a healthy body makes a healthy mind.
speaking of healthy body, guess wad? chest pain is sort of back. ):
this time, cant breathe properly oso. i power la, power la rahimi, power!.
and yea, bought some yoghurt and banana to make a nice, rewarding drink! so full of calories, energy and protein, and calcium! prevents me frm losing weight during puasa(woots).
*need a break. my mind needs to rest. need a time for myself. n i sort of miss last time too.*
`updated on- 5:25 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007- Just came back frm school. washed up.
My mind is still not that fresh though. I was totally confused with my thinking this afternoon.
I kept thinking to myself. "is this life of mine gonna keep on being like this? a loner life? a life, where I have to put in myself on the line just for others to have a better life? and just have to watch them, as my life will eventually fade away frm others? and i will just be forgotten? just like that?"
cant stop thinkin' of this shit. this trend has been going on for years alrdy. the trend that eventually, the person i helped, will forget me in the end.
i know, that having this thinkin to really sincerely help others without being well recognised for is a gift that i have in myself. but, it IS a curse too. i have to face this fact, the fact that nearly 5 years of my life, ive been showing so little importance of me towards myself. And I cant let this be for too long alrdy. 'Coz if this goes on, i might lead to others harm too. They might think that it is more of their rights that i'm there to help. Yes, i know that it is my duty and mission in life to help those in need. But, if they have that kind of mindset, do u think that they can easily meet another person hu is willing to help, and not for any benefits? do u think that they can easily meet another person hu is willing to giv up his life just like that? I'm just afraid that this gift and curse of mine will just harm the others.
as for me.. I still think that overall, it is still ok for me to carry on like this. i don't know how i'll end up, i don't think i should care. Doin' what i can to keep myself positive. lets just hope this will carry on. yeaa! i just have to trick myself. and just go. loner life sure does sux. doesnt matter much now.
*oh yea people, im such an ass. suddenly feel, how does it feel to be loved by others? lol! like im serious.*
`updated on- 10:17 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007- helo helo. back again. guess wad time i woke up? 11.30 am! wad a long long rest i had. got a very high desire to exercise and did it. have been working out my forearm frm just now. i have noe idea why its not tired. GET TIRED!! COME ON!! muscles, please appear! grr!
after bathing, all family members were not at home. im stuck here! totally. and guess wad? i got nothing better to do other than goin' online and exercising staticly. so darn bored!
Okay. People have been askin me lately, quite a number of people askin' me.. "eh rahimi, hu ur gf ah?" or "eh rahimi, hu u like ah?" or "eh rahimi, u like hu now ah?"
aiyo. People! i shall now officially tell of u..
that..
....
............
.................
.......................
...........................
.......................
..................
...............
....
IM NOT GONNA TELL YOU!! lol. i so rock man.
well, its gonna remain a mystery to all of u, until i have decided to tell it out.
ill give u a clue.
clue: she is a female human being
*go figure!*
_________________________
oh yea, check this vid out, its quite funny and silly
`updated on- 7:24 PM
- well, hey hey children. I've finally decided my targets for O levels. Some sound impossible, but its possible! here they are..
English A2
E maths A1
Hist/ss A2
Comb Sci A1
POA B3
Malay A2
DnT B4
still wondering y im bloggin in THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! power ah? lol. and like if u noe me, im an ambitious person. these are my target. i want them badly!
`updated on- 12:45 AM
Friday, September 21, 2007- worn out today. back pains still there. had a lil bit chest pains again. alamak!
really wondering y got a lot of sec 1s staring at me these days. im serious.
today, is plainly plain la. finally continued to exercise with barbel at home! w00t! feel like doin straight leg cruches later. soo expecting myself to struggle. tml, maybe going to gym at evening. depends on mood la. And now.. for my warning message.
You ever dare to force my junior and friend Amirah to be with you, I shall get this straight to you. BACK OFF. STEP ASIDE! If you not happy with me, I dont care! You have a gang? I dont give a damn! i have beaten up and got beaten up more than u have IQ in ur brains punk! Go call ur sec 3 gangs, and ur gang. Think i scared? I dint even realised that u were staring at me just now. Wana noe why? im not trembled by ur presence, i dont feel ur THREAT. if i will say this to u nicely. Please stop forcing my junior around. I dont want to threaten u, nor am i doin that. But if u want to hurt her, come and get me. The law says that it is not illegal for self defence. And im serious if i tell u that i look much different without my shirt on, and u dont want to see the threat. B4 that freaks u out, please stay away frm Amirah. Or i WILL make u.
*i dont want to threaten. i dont like to resort to violence. But it doesnt mean that i wont fight for the weaker and myself if i must. and it doesnt mean that i cant fight.*
`updated on- 11:07 PM
Wednesday, September 19, 2007- ow. seriously, my back hurts a lot. im kinda used to some of the pain now. but, the problem is, i think that my back aint that strong enough to support myself. had a bad headache too. haiz. im sorry that i worried the people hu approached me at MRT station just now. i keep telling myself not to worry all of u, but back too pain. my backbone sure does need lots of workout to do. Just needa support my back with something tml. Hey, erm. dont worry bout me k? coz ill feel very bad. just enjoy urselves.. dont think bout my condition.
Haiya.. faced 3 pains just now. bad headache, chest pain and now backbone pain! soo.. needa take care of my condition now. lol.
`updated on- 10:27 PM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007- well, had enough being angry yesterday. actually started out the day being tired. but everything changed when i get some of my prelim results back. for ur information, i used to suck a lot at chemistry and physics. trust me that. im the E8 kinda person for that. how cool is that? uber cool? although i did not score that well (got C5 for science prelim). cant believe that i got top 10 for science-physics. im glad, but must do much better for Os. Theres a message "good effort" at my science paper. however, quite upset at some matters, especially the fact that im not THAT ready for science. have to buck up a lot. if i can skip 3 grades, i can surely skip another 2 to 3 grades for O level. btw, in science prelim, im a totally loyal member of the 55 gang. made up when a row of my frens got 55 for chem. lol n guess wad? i got 55 for physics too!
Also, got the most important subject's results back. i was like a borderline student at the pass results at English la. a lot of times get D7.. however, it aint just a pass. I managed to score 59. i noe i noe. its only a C5. but i have achieved a higher standard! Got a taste of gettin 2nd in class in english. w00t! my storyline for essay is not bad, but the problem is my expression. gotta work hard on it. Frustrated a little la. ONE MORE FREAKING MARK, CAN GET 1ST IN CLASS AND A B4!!! nvm nvm. i must work harder. i noe that im an underdog at science and english, but i can prove further that i can score a distinction for those 2 subjects!
Right after that, went to 3rd level to read book. then there comes fatin nazurah frm sec 2. got prob in maths. and u noe wad? i no longer have to study abt that topic, and i almost totally forgot abt it!
Got back pains when going and at home, even right now. too tired la. haiya.. tml still got night study!!!! and praying hard that i will get good results for my other subject (and at least an improvement for poa, ccoz i know that im failing it.)
*last thing, i wana say thnx to the ppl hu motivated me not to give up. and the another hu told me to carry on, even with nothing with me. and to cikgu zahara for motivating me in malay, and i am committing myself in malay thnx to u terima kasih cikgu! and mr emmanuel teo also, for encouraging me to improve.(although u dint mention my name in one of the people hu u expect to have a distinction, i still want to prove a point that even an underdog can make it!*
PS: i feel like going back to my ugly mode for a while.
`updated on- 7:32 PM
Monday, September 17, 2007- wad a sick day. ended the day in schl being sick. almost got fever, but sensed it. HAD and having a bad headache. Wana noe something? I have people hu i trust, i have people hu i think will understand. i was wrong!
I always wanted to make other people happier, whether it is the future or present. But y cant i be helped, even for a single shit? Trust me, i was feeling darn hot just now. straight away went to toilet, open shirt and wet myself with water. Think i can help it? i had to sink my head in the darn sink. and what were my frens there doin? watchin' me, mockin the shit out of me. Think its fun meh? Do u noe that i had to lie down and rest at the darn sink table, when u all went out? do u noe how fucked up i was?! I, also have my own negative feelings. I, also have my problems. Do u noe that i can hardly walk straight after i stand up? U noe how fucked up that is?
Thats why i say. i cant depend on others anymore. I cant easily put my trust on others. Like seriously, how do u feel when these people are only ur fine weather frens, and only treat u nicely when they need u. Go F*** ur own mom, get in ur dad's asshole, and make him look pregnant like ur mum F*** him after u F*** her la! I'll make sure U'll be my bi**h!!
Go home oso like wad seh. Get in toilet to wash up, guess wad i saw? some unhygienic idiot dono how to flush toilet bowl. ask the ppl to flush, came back in, still dont flush. Dont understand what i tokin ah? want me to get u in the toilet bowl then understand? u noe wad? i have to flush it, like 10++ times alrdy, for other people!
Thought wad? i daily DIRT cleaner isit? i dont want to talk much abt it liao. i totally giv up la. nothing to say.
haiya. so stressed la. and these things are not so big of a mistake, but they keep happening..
*how i wish i got a real, happy life.*
`updated on- 8:07 PM
Sunday, September 16, 2007- alamak. u noe wad? i barely had rest. monday to friday study ( but late afternoon on friday, i played) , then saturday study again. power la. then now, muggin on physics. power la dei!
- whether i will have a better job or not
- whether i will suffer or enjoy in the future
- whether i will have a better course in the future.
- whether my wife will have a good life with me.(if i will ever get married, LOL)
havent went to exercise.. aiya. think wana go to gym tml night. should I? i dono yet.
having problems with electromagnetic induction in physics, especially transformers (not robot in disguise). haiya aiya aiya! tml summore is a monday, and no more prelims. u noe wad that means?! no early dismissal!! wednesday start night study liao. 11 october is like, OUR GRADUATION DAY!!
can u feel my pressure? like, do we noe how important O level is? its like, an event that determines whether u will continue ur studies or not, which means....
`updated on- 9:09 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007- Haiya.. today so tiring. morning was so much of a mugging time for me. Do you believe that i finished a stack of practice papers and dozed off after reading national geographic? Lol, when i woke up, saw Amanda frm sec1 passing by me. She told me not to slack. aiya. not slackin' da.. but sleeping coz worn out. dint hav enuf sleep. Cant blame anything, but myself. aiyoyo.
Haiz.. really feelin' very empty right now. I dont have a real challenging task to do, noone to help, noone helpin' me and really feeling like noone rigjht now.
Noe what? I think that part 2 of me having a loner life is about to start again.
feeling more lonely again, feeling more neglected..
ARGH!!
`updated on- 9:06 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007- I dont see a point. why should i be soo known to others, when i just dont achieve so much. when i didnt prove much of myself as a person of good worth. when im actually not so much of a person.
and mostly, when i keep trying to help, but most of the time, i failed to. i dont see a point of also being known by people, when im just left out. when im ignored by the people who didnt give me the ears that i want. to be able to share my problems with. know what i mean?
Kept looking at others, seeing how lucky some are. Some people are so darn fortunate have frens, or people who they dont know who would actually give them the amount of care they needed. remembered the time when im 9. alone at home. and it was raining heavily. I looked out, and saw this small kid, and his mother. I can see so much love being shared with each other. Now u see? And teens this days, from asking politely to demanding their parents for the things that they want. Sometimes, their parents arent that rich, but they tried to understand.
Even if they have to struggle, they will try to help. I noe that this leads to spoiling of their son, or daughter, or any homosexual child(if any). But, i still can see their good intention to these children of theirs.
And about friends, i DO blame myself for this, but sometimes, im too used to being alone growing up, that i may sometimes feel like being alone. Is this a curse or something? Its.. like.. sometimes, i dont have a choice.
Like seriously, is a loner life and ability to be an excellent individual? or is it simply a curse?
PS: i may be an internal motivator, and i may love to motivate others who need it, but i am human(duh). I need a lil help, and im troubled too. AND THIS ENTRY DOESNT MAKE SENSE.
`updated on- 9:21 PM
Wednesday, September 12, 2007- fuyo! puasa tml..
power man, i dont wana lose weight! ): serious
hmm. had E-maths paper 2 today. seriously sucks. what slowed me down a lot is my anxiety and it causes more careless mistakes which i discover on the spot. waste time seh. dint finish it.. -_-
haha, however, still got funny part during exam. guess wad? the paper was 2h 30 min, but i though it was 2h. at 1h 45 min, i was pissed off, so pissed off, felt like i was about to tear and throw tantrum after exam. still got plan to get out of class and not to talk much. haha, then when 2h passed, i was like.. "eh? not over yet meh?........ lerr!! still got 30 more min! chiong ah!!!"
still dint finished. this is retard.
after that, go study DnT and accounts. can u believe that i accidentally "napped out" (slept) when studying? like lucky man, the classes at the level were noisy some time when i slept. My reaction was, wake up, put head up, knock out again. and repeat the process each time noises were made. And guess wad? leaned back when i sat on the bench and fell off. im so clumsy. obviously.
got 2 stupid things happen today.
FIRST, i went out of the toilet after washing pathetic face. then skali got one girl pass by and scream. She shocked when i suddenly appear. So do I. Furthermore, she screamed la, and i got even more shocked. I went accidentally saying "eh mother!" in malay. Shocked wad.. what to tdo..?
SECOND, was going for bus number 962 when its abt to reach its stop. i was like crossing the road la.
and someone (not mentioning who), said "eh, he chasing you" to someone else, dono who la. and the someone discovered that i was going after the bus. and the someone's fren sorta bet that i will run or walk fast to the grp la. haha, proved them wrong, still can stroll and stroll. when in front of the bus door, still can stand for a while and slack arnd. and finally got up. haha. OK, i noe that u wont understand this, but ppl hu witness this noe wad i mean.
after that, went to serangoon north to do prayers. wah, lasted at least an hour. felt dizzy that time seh.
aiya, simply, thats all for today lor. TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF FASTING MONTH!! ill make sure ill eat much more after breaking fast. GRR!!
peace out, people.
take care. XOXO <333
wassup with that?!
`updated on- 10:44 PM
Saturday, September 8, 2007- Today.. what can i say. Is quite a simple day. Went to the gym. As usual, but this time, with Amirah and Adibah. actually, wanted to go to schl. Erm but they asked along me at night yesterday, so... why not rite..? Just went to gym on a weekday, and so.. yea. Those girls are very funny n enthu there man. Still cant forget Amirah's funny incident there. She was using the chin-up/dips weight system machine, and suddenly jumped away. The results? BOOM! The weight just dropped.
She very funny man.. And it was quite okay.
Our plan to at least eat with Danial isnt successful at all though. Adibah was quite angry for a while. Dono bout Amirah. I noe that she was unhappy bout the whole day out. Sorry if it was my fault..
Hmm, Danial is just plain tired. I understand that. However, he did try to come after all. He neck pain oso, and want to study so much at home. Thnx to the three of you for the start of the day. We ate at KFC, although i just taste a lil of the food. Quite a number of Yishun Town Sec people. NCC people, my X-squadmates, SJAB girls, Ansar, two 3/5 students, a few band girls and the NCC boys, with Afiqah. Realised that Afiqah and I got 2 standard greetings - we give a slight smile to each other or wave like mad. Grace from band and I got into a shot conversation for a while..
Me: Grace. I know hu u like!
Grace: Who?
Me: ME!
And she was diao-ing away. lol.
After that, i actually felt like being alone for a while, so.. went somewhere and walked around on my own.
Right now, is 21 02 hours. My nieces just arrived. Still cute as ever. They are both lower primary students. The elder one is soo dam smart, and intelligently cute. Shes beside me right now. Haha, shes cracking jokes right now. Not laughing at her jokes, but laughing about her cuteness. The younger one is a quite effective child. She likes to ask. She has an artistic mind and she can colour pretty well for a young child. Of course, they are entertained by their "dearest uncle" - uncle MIMI?! nah.. its uncle Rahimi!!
Hmm.. thats all for today, maybe.. someday.. im gonna express more on how im feeling so far in life. Or shud I..??
Peace Out. To all the people out there hus reading this humble blog of mine, do take care. Coz I care.
`updated on- 8:21 PM
Thursday, September 6, 2007- hmm.. today was nothing more than a tiring and boring day.
starting was power.. wake up. prayers. after that, prepare to go to the gym..
then i was thinkin.. " oh wadde hell man. no mood liao, lazy to go. anyway, noone going oso.."
so, slowly, on com and play lame games.. wad on earth, i dont want united kingdom at my stomach!! long time since i feel a bulky belly, and i dont wish to feel that again.
yea.. after that, on msn. as usual. finding ridhwan oso. heh. I DONT HAVE MY DARN HOMEWORK QUESTIONS!! im such an idiot. rahimi, ur plain silly. yea.. so.. was like on msn.. bla bla bla.. and chatted with sec 1 Siti. One lame and random topic i brought up was..
Me: hey, ever sleep walked?
Siti:no
Me: moon walk
Me: walk?
Siti: got la
Siti(again): u ar.
i cant blif i was random. and lame. lol. Well, its pretty nice to chat with her and she has pretty interesting and cute stories and experiences. So, i like, carried on chatting, till my
heres what she said.(english edited)
"Rahimi, come and follow me to my house at woodlands. We are going to disassemble the fixtures and fittings."
what a surprise. To POA students, ever heard of fixtures and fittings?
Disassemble? Doesnt that require Design n Technology (DNT) skills??!
OH NO! two nightmares formed into one!! doomsday at auntie house.
No criticisms have been done to these 2 subjects. Actually, theyre pretty ok.
Like when we started disassembling the fixtures and fittings, she asked me to take out the
plastic covers that cover the wires on the wall. u noe.. the rectangle channels.
That part was pretty fun, although frustrating. Used a pathetic screwdriver as a lever to pop them off. and the plastic channels came flying at me. i dont noe how i even managed to dodge those things flying towards my face. if i dint dodge, i dont think ill b attractive enuf to get married. yea, after that i went to northpoint to buy things b4 heading to..
Ridhwan's house! and he lives in khatib. just to get the question papers so that i can photocopy them. I suffer bcoz im careless. Mr Ridhwan, looking as handsome as he is, not wad he proclaimed he is (haha. ur still good looking la brotha), kindly invited me in, but. erm. u noe me. im shy person. no la. was in a hurry. so just waited outside. By the way, Ridhwan is multi talented, hardworking and quite kind. Envy him actually.
Finally reach home. Worried sick bout my sister. She retake her e maths paper, but isnt doing that well. i feel so guilty somehow, coz i shud have forced her to screw all the darn formulas into her brain but i did not. Still not too late for her. Guess what? Im happy that she improved. wow. happy for my sis, although a lot of times, i tend to lose my cool thnx to her. hope i can do well in e maths and other subject.
yea, had some chattin with frens, amirah and zurain. To those 2.. and others that sticked to me when they have time, thnx a lot. I dont know how to repay it. but u noe that i am willing to sacrifice a lot more. Unlike those bunch of craps hu treats me like shit, treating me like i will never be sad or angry, treating me like i dont exist, and treating me like as though im meant to be used. I dont want to name u, n neither do i want u to face wad is known as vengeance,
but i really hope that one day, the ppl hu have helped me (big or small help) will receive back their kindness, and "those bunch of craps" will change and become better people.
Well, gtg now gota exercise, supper , study and sleep.
Peace out.
PS: i need an exercising buddy!! ):
`updated on- 9:12 PM
Wednesday, September 5, 2007- Amazing, children. I got my own darn blog! Woo!!.
Oh yea, im pretty lame here, but yea, finally got one that i can keep blogging on.
Yea, the skin's pretty lame. too bad, no so much of "boyish" skins i see arnd... ZzZzz..
For some kind and precious soul out there, please teach me more abt this stuffs and nonsensical nonsense.
Thank you there. =)
`updated on- 11:00 AM
