entries
Wednesday, April 29, 2009- Monday's post:
Had a good 5km run with Amjad at the evening.
To be honest, I have not fully recovered both mentally and emotionally from my academic problems yet. One example happened on this day. Dr Vijaya, our course manager gave an encouragement talk to the Lvl 2 Biomedical Science students.
One of the things she said was that going to a university which is not good is as good as nothing.
So, she encouraged everyone to go as far as they can and aim for the better universities.
Adding that up, she told everyone to aim for at least a GPA of 3.0. "Can all of you do that?" And most of them were motivated with the given information and said yes. Of course, what she said was motivating, but I was very demoralised after that. For me, getting a GPA of 3.0 only has a probability of 25-30%. Looking back at the GPAs so far, that was very logical. To be honest, I was crying deep inside myself, but I did not show it. My heart kept telling me that this made me feel as useless and helpless as hell.
After that talk, Dr Vijaya talked to me for a few minutes, and asked me about myself and how I was doing. She told me I should just do my best all the way. One of the lines she said was that getting good grades isn't everything and getting the skills are definitely more important. I just told her that what she said was what I was trying to convince myself. She's definitely a respectable person, but still, its still a fact that I was demoralised previously.
But damn, how can I keep lying to myself? I might have the skills, but what's the use if you don't get to a university? Yes, of course getting the skills are more important, but getting good grades will decide where I will be. Its sad to keep on lying to myself. I have done that a lot of times in secondary school and I din't get shit from that. And in tertiary education again? I really abhor the thought of it, and the fact that I have been lying to myself too much and too long.
But really, if I were to tell myself the truth, all I can do is just do my best. Full stop. Thats all.
Whenever people come by me and say the same old line "Its not the fact that unfairness have brought me down to my knees. Its what I have done to get that." My reply now would be "Sorry I had Cancer okay? Sorry that after trying to motivate myself so much when I have no a little bit of basics, no A math and Biology background, attend school at a later date because of my recovery stage, and not attending the first basic days of school, and trying to bring my ass up from not being lazy, I did not manage to catch up and a good grade. I'm just sorry."
I'm a selfless person, who feels helpless.
Tuesday's post:
MMA Day! Worked my ass off with studies and training. Nothing much to say.
Today's post:
This is the first training in my new CCA, track and field. Enjoyed it much. Oh, and thanks aiinnx for wishing me luck. Haha!
By the way, I'm pretty much interested in throwing! I mean, not throwing rubbish away, throwing as in "throwing sports in track and field".
Oh, and credits to Lutfi for giving me an advice. I need that.
And by the way, I've got this red marks from the crunches that I did just now. Got them from the very rough floor. Notice more red marks at my lower back. Awesome-O!
*It might be easy just to think, to see, or to hear about it, but its much harder to go through a situation and to do such a thing.*
`updated on- 11:40 PM
Sunday, April 26, 2009- Argh, I'm sick.
Down with cough, had flu just now but thank God its okay for now, and having fever!
I just finished 2L of apple juice. Started drinking from the bottle at arnd 11am. Also drank some plain water. Total mugs of water drank today is definitely more than 12. lol.
But it was so bad, that I can't go to the gym. And the gym already closed for today. Its only open til 8pm on weekends. Sadcase. Maybe, I'm gonna carry my 20kg filled bag and go up and down the stairs later. Hopefully, I can sweat all the fever away.
Well, I looked at the mirror to take a look at my tonsils. Its ultra swollen. And its not because of the fact that I'm sick today. Its because of all those shoutings I have done, the throat infections and sore throats. I seriously need to let it recover, but I wonder how long it would take. 4 months? 5 months? Maybe even a year or longer... which I hope not.
First week of the 2nd year in poly life has just passed. Tomorrow's the start of the 2nd week..
Its like not much of a difference. Kept printing notes once again, wandering around and stuff. Can I buy a gang of friends please? Oh shucks, I forgot that I'm broke. I feel like finding a job in the next 2 weeks.. A job for my weekends so that I can get a few extra bucks..
So far, noone told me that he/she wants to tag along with me to Singapore Bay Run. Thats really sad..
Hmm okay, I gotta go now. Gonna eat! Come again.
*When the living felt lifeless..*
`updated on- 8:13 PM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009- I'm here to make an announcement. I am going for Army Half Marathon organised by Safra. Its also known as Singapore Bay Run. I'm planning to run a distance of 21 km. Anyone interested to tag along with me, please email me or contact me through my mobile phone. Thanks!
`updated on- 7:38 PM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009- I'm back. Okay, I went to the gym just now for an hour. Cycled to Chong Pang to find a health supplement shop that I managed to find out about over the internet, only to discover that it was not there.
Now I just wana go back to talk about school today. School today is totally nothing new. Its the normal times. You see me walking around alone, printing homeworks and notes and yes, all those ordinary things.
I am trying to enjoy my lessons and be more proactive and enthusiastic so that I will not get too tired like last semester and break down.
You know, doing things such as answering questions wrongly during lecture can be embarassing most of the times. But shame would definitely mean nothing if I am able to learn more.
I discovered that my general knowledge has improved even more and not to mention, my own lifeskills.
Well, something to share with my loyal readers right here:
I've decided that it is enough of me being too selfless. Being selfless is good, but being too selfless such that you might hurt yourself in anyway will not be worth it. You might decide to be "too selfless" in order to reach a certain goal or for the benefit of or to please a group of people. Trust me, this will not work. It is said that being too selfless will decrease your chances towards your goal by around half the percentage whereas doing it for the benefit of or to please a group of people will tend to make them dislike you, or even hate you.
So, why bother being "too selfless" when you know that people will dislike you and you will have lesser chance to succeed to get what you want?
However, the value of selflessness if controlled, will bring much benefit to us.
It brings up a lot of value to not only the society, but also to yourself. Of course, there are much more benefits from being selfless in a "controlled" sense.
Trust me, I learnt this from my own life experiences, and it happened lots of times.
*I just hate the thought of it..*
`updated on- 8:58 PM
Sunday, April 19, 2009- So its 19 of April. Yesterday was NPCC annual parade. And yeah, it was the 50th Annual Parade.
Remembering all the trainings that passed, I recalled the fact that I have taken 3 different contingents. The first one was contingent 1. After the results of Unit Overall Proficiency Award, I was reallocated to train Mass Flag 1. And after a few trainings, I was reallocated again to train Mass Flag Party 2 along with a good partner who trains Mass Flag Party 1 and he is none other than CI Kee Kwoon. Thanks Bro, much has been learnt from you.
I recalled the training when I was officially Mass Flag Party 2's trainer. I gave them the mindset that they should be wanting to be the best and they will be the best if they coorperate with me well and of course, do their very best and go beyond their own limits.
Despite the fact that this year is my 2nd year as an NPAP trainer, this was the very first time where I was officially a trainer for a specific contingent. Last year, I was the CI who goes around, observes, comments and so on. It was my first darn time!
Well, despite my hard will and big goal to make Mass Flag 2 steal a big portion of the spotlight, I faced a lot of obstacles on the way. Common to NPAP trainers and HOs, our time to study was sacrificed on the trainings. I personally had problems with my injured ankle on my right leg too (its healed, but slightly swollen now) . I recalled each time the day after a training when I have to limp around like as if I have used my ankle like a sledgehammer to smash a wall.
Of course, like other trainers and HOs, we most of our lunchbreaks and went down for trainings when we were sick.
It was all quite worth it to me. I was ecstatic when I get to see my contingent with a big time sense of identity, but of course, I tried to cover how much I was happy about this until our final debrief yesterday.
And of course, during the parade itself, there was no casualty from Mass Flag 2! And of course, there are a few things which Mass Flag Party 2 managed to achieve which was definitely cool.
But I recalled too, that this contingent is full of cadets who have flaws of their own. Like for example, the contingent has ninja cadets. One time you see them there, after that, they disappeared in the shadows. That gave me a big time problem yesterday. Luckily, the ninjas managed to fall in again. I was very unpleased with that but I contained those feelings and found more ways to make things easier for myself, which I am thankful God gave me such a good ability to adapt to things.
Next up, this contingent is full of cadets who like to jump around. The cadets do have a big room for improvement when it comes to getting a better mindset to do what's right and not do things which are wrong. So, for MFP2 members reading this, do remember these and really improve yourself.
Overall still, I did not regret taking a contingent of cadets who honour their sense of identity as NPAP trainees. It was definitely a good experience taking you KIDS. XD
And do remember, yesterday was just the beginning of your own legacy in the making. Although I know what I want to do to leave my own legacy, I really wish that all of you are inspired to leave your own legacy behind. Remember, I rated everyone in the contingent with a 92%. The other 8% is for you to work for after the parade. Of course, you can definitely go beyond that and be the best of your own.
And last of all, remember that life still has to go on, and all of us have an unsimilar journey of life.
For my Mass Flag Party 2 cadets, do remember your identity as a contingent in the 50th NPAP formally known as (4-3-2-1) Mass Flag 2!
So, thats all, I apologise to all readers for not posting a picture on this blogpost, coz I did not bring a camera along. But if any of the MFP2 cadets wish to give me, please email them to me.
*My path to my own legacy re-starts. *
`updated on- 9:38 PM
Wednesday, April 15, 2009- Well here I am at home, waiting to go out for NPAP training. Having cough and sore throat right now. Just took my medicine. I'm just hoping that I will get a little assistance from someone later to train my contingent. And I just hope that I will not be in a condition any worse than right now later.
But of corse, theres chances that my condition will get worse. Firstly, I have to shout. And secondly, I have to stand for a long time plus the fact that resting time is limited for trainers. Of course, a trainer's standard and self expectations should be much higher than that of his trainees, and I can't complain much if I were to get even more sickly.
Know what? I am finally not going to the gym for a day. I started going there since Sunday, went there again on Monday and went to the gym at Tampines yesterday. Lol. Body sort of aches a lot all over. Speaking of working out, I'm pretty hungry here. Think I'm gonna cook something. So, see all of ya around soon.
*How are you going to feel if you are to be in my shoes?*
`updated on- 10:30 AM
Monday, April 13, 2009- Its been 8 days since i blogged. So sorry, my schedule's not a good one.
Well, school is starting on the 20th of April and NPAP is gonna take place on Saturday.
This week is gonna be a ride. I went to the gym yesterday and had a very different workout routine. Well, going there again later with Aaron and hopefully with another friend of mine.
Tomorrow's orientation for year 1 Applied Science students. Gonna accompany aiinnx to Temasek Polytechnic and exercise AGAIN. Hahaha. After that, if they are dismissed early, I'm gonna go for MMA training. Like what I said, this week's gonna be a bumpy one.
Oh yeah, know what? I had some rust in fighting. My strikings are okay, my kicks have improved. But my submission skills have gone a little bit rusty. My flexibility has deproved a little, so.. I think I'm gonna do some flexibility work later. Hmm, I would probably be blogging later, this blogpost will be a short one. I needa go to the market, buy food, cook some stuffs and head to the gym. So, I'll see yer then peeps.
`updated on- 1:43 PM
Sunday, April 5, 2009- Back. Yesterday was not much of a lucky day at the beginning.
Firstly, lost my handphone at HTA before NPAP training. Dang. Of all places..
Parents did not know yet, but of course, will work and save up for another phone. Argh. But still, credits to the FIs for putting in their effort to help me find it..
Then, had chest pains during parade time. I couldn't breathe properly at that time. Furthermore, I was one of the trainers who practiced twice during the parade. Of course, endured through both runs on practice. After training, during debrief, had gastric pain. It was the most painful one yet. Went out of briefing/debriefing room aka. Everest Room with Kee Kwoon for those stuffs, I almost lost control of myself. Had chest pain again. So Kee Kwoon went down to get warm water and dry rations for me. HO Salmi gave me Milo. Thanks to both of ya. And guess what? I vomitted after eating and drinking. Oh my.
So, took photos with other trainers and HOs in charge of the parade sub commitee.
We went to eat at the shopping centre at Choa Chu Kang as usual.
After that, we found out there was a promotion going on at the first level. Fiona Xie was there. The other Rahimi, Gerald, Jun Hong Sir (MAYBE) and a few others got horny. LOL!
Yeah, so went home, still sad about the fact that I lost my phone. Argh..
Maybe its just a test of faith and patience for me. I should seriously relax now.
*Change things around you, or change yourself.*
`updated on- 7:36 PM
