entries
Wednesday, June 30, 2010- I want to start my post, telling everyone that I have been in the wrong course for 2 years.
Well, think about it. Imagine yourself not liking your course at the first place, and you're forced by everyone around you to be in that course or you will face the consequences. And just add up the fact that you've been putting a lot of effort just to do well in it, but end up with very below average grade. And just add the fact that you have to lie to yourself for another 1 and a half year after lying to yourself for a couple of years already. And add the fact that you know that people are badmouthing you, though you did nothing to them.
Yeah, you know what I mean right? The reason why I was forced to enter the course is because it will provide me an average, secure and stable job in the mere future. And I will be getting a better pay if I were to further my studies. Awesome huh? No.
Think about it: Just look at my grades. Yes, its true that I will be given a secure and stable job, but I do not want an average pay, added to the fact that I do not want to be in the science industry. I approached a friend of mine who graduated with a Diploma certificate in the Biomedical field. Guess what? He's 26, and he's working with shipping goods to the country.
Damn, that kind of job? Kiss my ass, I'm not gonna be an average income earner, in what I do not enjoy doing.
So what's my plan? Since I would lose everything in the future if this carries on, then I would have nothing left. If I have nothing left, then I would have nothing to lose.
I want to do something more sensible. I've collected enough money to get in another course. One that I know I will do well in. One that I would enjoy without forcing myself. One that I would join not just because it will make my family happy, but will also make myself happy.
And yeah, theres also another thing to add here. The month of July will most probably me the month (if God permits, too), that my life will change. It'll be the start of me proving something to my family that I do not have to live being in the medical field just because its a stable job. Their expectations of me (or even life itself) will change to a new level. And hopefully, if this success continues, I'll be able to lead the life that I want. A life that I choose to live.
`updated on- 9:38 AM
Friday, June 18, 2010- Its been a hard fought battle to me. And right now, I'm finally at my strongest. Somehow, I kinda feel numb whenever I work. Is it a good thing, or a bad thing? I'm just feeling numb now, because I know I'm tired, I know I am giving it all, but I'm doing it all the time that it felt so..normal. I found out that all this hard work, and endless effort is like a part of me.
The will of mine to give my parents the life that they want, and to be a contributor to changing people's life have always been the goals I want to achieve. I know that I'm not having all the fun that everyone is having now, but I do believe that it'll all be worth it. It will all be over if not soon, then a little later, if God willing (:
All I know now is that I believe in karma, and I hope that good things will happen to me too.
And yep, I've been good at loving my family, doing what seemed as not likable to others when I
know its because I care, and many countless stuffs that I know I've done which required a lot of sacrifice, just because I love and I care.
Personally, I hope that they will be cared about. And I hope that I will be loved back too (:
That'll be awesome, huh?
And yeah, I'm still on the road, to what I am seeing as a road to my success. A road to success in life, afterlife, work life, love life.. well.. LIFE.
And for those who don't know what I am up to now, you can ask me personally. Add me on facebook or msn if you have not, you can send me via email or personal message via facebook.
Byee!!
`updated on- 12:28 AM
Monday, June 7, 2010- Currently at the worst state of my mind right now. I can't think straight.
My self-esteem, crushed. Just like that. Everything just went wrong from three days ago, til now. It just came to me like a smack to the face.
Has hope ran out for me? Feels so. I'm feeling like.. how I felt when I was down. But its the worst ever.
I can't feel anyone giving me a hand to get me out of this zone. Wait.. the only person who was there to get me out of such situation was...Myself.
I just want to be left alone now. For myself to recover. I'm at my worst right now. I want to go to... the highest storey of a tall building, and just be there alone. I want to go there now.
`updated on- 11:39 AM
