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Tuesday, December 9, 2008- Well hey,
I finished my first paper today. And check this post out.
Today, I've been reflecting about how far I have went and rose from situations which are part of me growing up.
I still remembered the time how I was in primary school; soft hearted, naive, afraid but intelligent.
I still remembered myself being bullied back then, and I still remember when I alone sat in the hall during recess feeling sad and all the craps. I remembered when I cried alone, not showing anyone about it. And I still remembered why I do not want to fight back the people who bullied me - I did not want to hurt them. I was afraid to hurt them, knowing how violent and how much I can do with violence. I told myself "No, its not supposed to be this way. Let them be, at least they're not hurt."
Seemed like my mindset is pretty good sometimes, but actually, it ain't. I never learnt to stand up for myself - it was always about another person. There was no me, never one.
I remembered when I told my parents about myself getting bullied. Want to know what happened? I remembered that they did nothing, I only remembered them telling me to stand up on my own two feet.
And I remembered that I finally did that twice. Only twice out of multiple times for 3 years.
Haha, I guess that I was very firm about the fact that I did not want to hurt anyone.
I also remembered the days when I was mocked at a lot of time, back in lower secondary school. Seemed like almost nobody really believed in me. What I do seemed like nonsense although it was all good intentions. My dreams were made fun of, just because they seemed impossible, but they aren't. I just believed in myself more than they do to themselves. And I remembered that I do not look forward to go to school at all. I did not care at all if I will miss out in my studies. And there was only one person whom I really turned to - myself. Despite all the grudges that I have to a lot of people, there was one thing in my mind - I care for them, and I do not want anyone else to face such things that I did, or worse. Sacrifices that I made things worse, 'coz people started to use me. I found out where I was wrong. Sometimes, people have to go through situations to be more matured and make better decisions. I guess I went through a lot of them and I learnt to make better decisions and become more matured - even though I did not wish to show anyone about this.
I learnt that it is time that I make an impact in a lot of people's life for the better and help them learn to be better people too. I learnt to help myself, even if I have to stand on my own feet.
And yes of course, I am a cancer survivor and I have to admit that I have went through it bravely. I did not back down, no matter how far I know the consequences of me living on is.
God gave me a life, and another chance to live again, and together with the lessons taught to me, I want to contribute as a person who will make an impact to the society and even the world next time.
*Its part of being me, like it or not.*
`updated on- 8:49 PM
