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Monday, November 5, 2007- i really hate it when im the cause of people's conflict.
and yea, too bad for me.. i am the cause of a conflict. dammit. When in my life can i stop being one?
am i a jynx? i wouldnt think much of it. i believe that im born an average, a little above average or a little bit below average. either one. But i dont think that i am not born being a curse towards people's feelings. their anger. their depression. I seriously do not want that to happen.
I want to do so much to stop all this mess. Maybe, it shud really be time for me to end this, with me facing its consequence. Should I? I don't mind losing so much. Being quite well known does not make me to have true friends. True right?
I really wonder, how much of a fool i am, always down here making an effort to do such things. Why must i be so caring towards others? Too caring, actually.
And, the best part is being called selfish, a problem/trouble maker, an egoistic bastard (when i have a father, check out the word bastard if u dont noe) and all these things when i cant even stand up for myself. What i can do, is to stand for others. Thats all? why not myself?
i kept letting myself lose to others whenever it comes to conflicts. Where is my limits? Do i have one? Does anyone care?
I really feel like it doesnt matter abt me. Like any1 thought abt it either. I just want someone to be genuinely kind to me. at least. It does not matter how much problems i have up here in my mind. really. I have been facing so much shits. I think that its common for me to struggle up anyway.
Oh dammit. Save me god.
*where is the person hu trusts me? where is the person hu cares? I just need someone to understand. Someone who would give me a chance to say what i really want to say."
`updated on- 8:27 PM
