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Monday, September 24, 2007- Just came back frm school. washed up.
My mind is still not that fresh though. I was totally confused with my thinking this afternoon.
I kept thinking to myself. "is this life of mine gonna keep on being like this? a loner life? a life, where I have to put in myself on the line just for others to have a better life? and just have to watch them, as my life will eventually fade away frm others? and i will just be forgotten? just like that?"
cant stop thinkin' of this shit. this trend has been going on for years alrdy. the trend that eventually, the person i helped, will forget me in the end.
i know, that having this thinkin to really sincerely help others without being well recognised for is a gift that i have in myself. but, it IS a curse too. i have to face this fact, the fact that nearly 5 years of my life, ive been showing so little importance of me towards myself. And I cant let this be for too long alrdy. 'Coz if this goes on, i might lead to others harm too. They might think that it is more of their rights that i'm there to help. Yes, i know that it is my duty and mission in life to help those in need. But, if they have that kind of mindset, do u think that they can easily meet another person hu is willing to help, and not for any benefits? do u think that they can easily meet another person hu is willing to giv up his life just like that? I'm just afraid that this gift and curse of mine will just harm the others.
as for me.. I still think that overall, it is still ok for me to carry on like this. i don't know how i'll end up, i don't think i should care. Doin' what i can to keep myself positive. lets just hope this will carry on. yeaa! i just have to trick myself. and just go. loner life sure does sux. doesnt matter much now.
*oh yea people, im such an ass. suddenly feel, how does it feel to be loved by others? lol! like im serious.*
`updated on- 10:17 PM
